reality check

 This is funny or Ironic!

Dubai is the land of the biggest, tallest, longest, widest, richest, fanciest, fastest… everythingist… in the world. They have the tallest residential towers in the world, the tallest resturant in the world, the largest number of Malbaris in the world, the highest crane operator in the world.

If it does not grow in Dubai, they’ll make it artificially – artificial ski slopes, artificial islands, artificial oasis, coconut trees and lawns, artificial beaches, artificial economy.

Pakistani & Indians especially love it here because of the dirham-to-rupee value.The Filipinos come here because they have no choice; there’s nothing back home, not even dogs – they’ve been eaten up. The Egyptians come here because there is nothing to do in Egypt. No more pyramids to build either. The Lebanese come here to buy cars, dress to kill, wear Peter Pan shoes 10 sizes bigger than their feet, put 1 kg of gel on their heads and give everyone ball talk. They’ll buy a 1980’s Merc or BMW for 10k dirhams and drive the car like they’re sitting in the rear passenger seat, stretching their arms all the way to the steering wheel, giving you the piercing bald eagle look.

The Bangladeshis come here to build the tallest buildings in the world.

Now according to the government, Dubai is tax free. Of course, that is true. Only, there is a Pay and Park scheme with 5000 parking lots, and 500,000 cars in the city, so where the hell do you park? And you’re fined for wrong parking. Toll has been introduced on many roads. You can avoid the toll tax by using alternative routes, but you’ll end up in a traffic jam because everyone is trying to avoid the toll tax.

If you have any government related work like medicals for visa or immigration, you have 2 options- Standard and Urgent Procedure. Standard takes 15 days and Urgent takes 2 days. The difference is 30 to 40-odd dirhams. Everyone goes for the urgent option and the Dubai government makes money, urgently.

If you switch jobs you get a work ban and to lift the ban you pay a huge penalty.

In Dubai, without a car you’re paralyzed (you don’t even get jobs if you don’t have a car). But you’ll get your license in attempts ranging from 2 to 20. Each time you fail you have paid fees for Driving Classes & Driving Tests, which are 1000-odd dirhams. Imagine the money RTA makes.

Most of the expats live alone with families back home. So they spend much on phone calls. And call charges from Dubai are high. Another odd thing about Dubai – no matter where you go or who you meet, you take down phone numbers. Everybody has everybody’s number in Dubai. And everyone has a Visiting Card, whether you’re a bootlegger, a masseuse, a hooker, a car cleaner, a watchman or a pizza delivery boy. Everyone knocks around with lots of cards in his or her wallet and one card in the palm. So whenever you shake hands with anyone in Dubai and let go, you end up with a visiting card in your palm.

If you’re walking on the road and you ask someone the time, he’ll tell you “10:30”, give you his card and say, “I have new and second-hand watches”.

At a restaurant when you’re leaving they’ll say “Here’s my card, call us for home delivery.”

If you’re below your building, you’ll meet those Chinese chicks giving you their cards, saying, “Call us if you want DVDs”.
If you’re standing at a bus stop, a Malbari will pull over in his 1980 Toyota Corolla, give you his card and say, “If you want Pick-up & Drop Service, call me”.

Dubai has amusing-looking buildings. Some have holes in them, some have giant balls on them, some look like aeroplanes, some look like sail boats, and, all of them reach into space with your window right in front of the moon.

Everyone in Dubai goes to malls. Not necessarily to shop. To beat the heat, go to a mall; business meeting, go to a mall; getting bored, go to a mall; want to take a leak or dump, go to a mall; want to do eye-warming (little in your pocket & women in your mind), go to a mall. If you want to go for a picnic go to a mall.
Some Pakistani & Indian go home, get married, and then come to a Dubai Mall for their honeymoon

fines for running to catch Dubai Metro, how funny ! :)

age 22 to 45, you stay focused how to survive Dubai, 46 onwards, you get ready to butted outta here as Govt ask your employer retire him & send back, – You remain expatriate after xx number of years and have no previlages ! :) You have to go home or to country you choose to migrate when in Dubai.

In any case, UAE is for Emiratis ONLY., all others are aliens forever.

5 Comments so far

  1. Mami (unregistered) on May 18th, 2010 @ 12:15 am

    It’s “restaurant” not “resturant.”

    And what’s a “Malbari” supposed to be?
    There’s Malayali = Person who speaks Malayalam
    Or Keralite = Person who originates from Kerala
    And there’s Malabar, a coastal area IN Kerala.

    Also, it’s not “previlages” it’s “privileges.” Maybe you should take a few English lessons from those “aliens.”


  2. Mami Di Phuddi (unregistered) on May 21st, 2010 @ 12:00 pm

    mami this is blog not a english lesson class, typos are acceptable on blogs :) you chotya


  3. Mami (unregistered) on May 24th, 2010 @ 3:21 am

    Not if you want to be taken seriously. Seriously, it’s no wonder people think of us Muslims as terrorists. It’s because of illiterates like you.


  4. Write Off Debt (unregistered) on May 28th, 2010 @ 2:51 pm

    Thanks for sharing. I have learnt a lot from your site.


  5. Christine (unregistered) on May 30th, 2010 @ 5:07 am

    I wonder if what nationality are you.
    As a Filipino reading this article I was surprised to read that some fellow countrymen told you that “theres nothing back home, not even dogs, they are all eaten up”. WHAT??? so sad. yes its true for some. But not all Filipinos.
    Well as for Dubai they have beaten world records in terms of tallest, widest and blah blah blah…but then again.. are they in the list of world`s most livable cities? mention health care,human rights, education,housing. And you mention also that a car is a must in Dubai.
    Im lucky enough here in Tokyo a car is not needed. Public transport and bicyles will do. And hey its just funny to hear that Pakistanis and Indians have their honeymoon in Dubai Mall.



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